Open letter to that guy and his friends at The Shins show who were standing by me and insisted on screaming their conversations to one another over the music.
Thank you for your company.
I am glad that you are such a big fan of The Shins. How do I know you are such a big fan? Because when you had your back to the stage and were screaming over the music I heard you telling your friends what a big fan you were. That is awesome. I am glad that you can enjoy a great show by a great band with your back turned and without paying any attention to the band whatsoever.
I would also like to thank you for sharing details of your life with me and the other people standing near you while we were trying to watch and listen to The Shins. Here are some things I learned:
- That girl; the one you flirted with all night. She does not want to have anything to do with you. I gathered she is a friend’s sister or roommate or something, she is trying to be nice, but she really wants to tell you to fuck off.
- That story you told about how you were upstairs looking for your friend Thompson and you walked up to someone that looked like Thompson from behind and you were screaming, “Thompson, Thompson!,” but the person you were yelling at just stood there oblivious. That was a great story. By the fifth time you screamed that story to your friends I became convinced that the person you were screaming at upstairs really was Thompson and he just didn’t want to talk to you. I can’t blame him. If it was me, as soon as I heard your voice screaming my name I would have run away into the crowd and prayed that you didn’t follow me.
- You are not who you think you are. People are laughing at you, not with you. I am sorry you had to hear this from me. I hope it doesn’t affect our relationship.
So, in closing I would like to thank you for stoking my anger once again. I hope the next time we go to the same show you have laryngitis and a broken hip.